Thriving the Holidays: Choosing How You Want to Feel

The holidays have a way of sneaking up on us.

One minute you’re thinking about cozy moments and meaningful connection, and the next you’re rushing through parking lots, wrapping gifts at midnight, managing family dynamics, and wondering where your own sense of peace went.

What if this year, instead of just getting through the holidays, you chose to thrive in them?

Not by doing more. Not by being perfect. But by getting intentional about how you want to feel.

Start With the Feeling

Before the commitments, the cooking, the shopping, or the socializing, pause and ask yourself:

How do I want to feel this holiday season?

Joy? Peace? Love? Wonder? Presence? Gratitude? Fun?

There’s no right answer. There’s only your answer.

Now take it one step further and bring that question into the moments that make up your days:

• How do I want to feel while finishing my shopping?

• How do I want to feel while cooking or wrapping last-minute gifts?

• How do I want to feel sitting around the table, in the car, or on the couch?

Here’s the powerful part: once you name the feeling, you can start creating it—right now.

Creating the Feeling in Real Time

As you move through your day, gently check in with yourself:

Am I feeling what I said I wanted to feel?

If the answer is yes, let yourself savor it. If the answer is no, that’s not a failure—it’s information.

Then ask:

• Do I need a different thought right now?

• Is there something else I could focus on?

• Can I call on a happy memory, a song, a moment that reminds me what matters?

Sometimes the shift is subtle:

• Turning on music you love while wrapping gifts

• Slowing down your breath in the checkout line

• Remembering why you’re doing this at all

Small shifts can create big emotional changes.

When People Push Our Buttons

And then… there’s that part of the holidays.

The interactions.

The personalities.

The comments.

The dynamics that can pull you right out of your center.

Before those moments arrive, ask yourself:

How do I want to feel around this person? What kind of experience do I want to have—regardless of how they show up?

Here’s the reframe: You don’t get to control how others behave—but you do get to choose what you bring into the room.

• Calm?

• Compassion?

• Lightness?

• Boundaries?

• Humor?

• Detachment?

Decide in advance.

Let in go...in advance

If you have someone(s) in particular who push your buttons or get under your skin, I recommend going a big further and really prepping in advance.

What does that look like?

I love a good free writing or free talking session (especially when walking) where I just let it all fly, everything I'm pissed at them for or wish I could say to them or wish they knew. You can either set the timer for 3 minutes to help get you started, or you can just write (or talk) until nothing else comes out, until the well is empty so-to-speak. And of course, it's okay if it takes a few sessions for the well to start to feel empty. And of course, it's also okay if you can't get the well empty or don't believe you can. Just start anyway. Anything that you can get out of your head, off of your heart is good for YOU and the relationship.

If you journal/write it out, I also recommend disposing of it in a safe manner. Some folks like to rip into tiny pieces and discard it down the toilet. If you have a fire pit, burning it can be very cathartic; just make sure to do it in an extremely safe manner.

For the Day(s) of: Choose Your Reminder

When buttons get pushed, our nervous systems love to default to old patterns. That’s why having a physical reminder can be incredibly powerful.

It could be:

• A piece of jewelry

• A favorite ring or bracelet

• Cozy socks

• A scarf

• A specific shirt

Something you can see or feel that reminds you: This is how I choose to show up. This is what I want to contribute. This is who I am—no matter what.

When you notice yourself getting activated, touch it. Breathe. Remember your intention.

You Get to Choose

Thriving the holidays isn’t about avoiding stress entirely. It’s about coming back to yourself more quickly.

Again and again, you get to ask:

• How do I want to feel?

• Am I creating that right now?

• What’s one small shift that would bring me closer?

This season, may you give yourself permission to choose joy, presence, and peace—moment by moment.

More is possible. Even during the holidays.

If you need a bit more support around this time of year or want to make shifts so next year definitely doesn't go like this...start with your first free coaching session by clicking here.