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Sneaky "No"

I was once asked “Where do you say no in life?”

Me? Nowhere. I mean, I jump out of planes and off buildings, I go on 14 mile hikes during vacation. I’ve traveled alone and lived internationally. There aren’t many things I’ll say no to, when asked.

But would people describe me as a “yes” person?


So I asked myself, “Where do you not say yes?”

If people call and I don’t answer the phone.

If people text and I don’t respond in a reasonable time.

If I go to a meeting and don’t express myself.

When my boyfriend signed up for co-op veggies, I happily went along but didn’t explicitly say yes.

Well…now we’re on to something…

Where else?

When I don’t make time to meditate, do yoga, sit down to write, walk Leo at lunch, choose to read, decide to host a workshop, don’t send emails, deciding where to eat, creating a reel or social media post, canceling meetings, by not actively asking my friends to hang out.

I don’t know how this looks to you, but to me, it looks ridiculous! How could I not see how full of “no” my life can be on some days?! WTF? Seriously?

Well. You see, because I don’t say “no” very often, my lack of “yes” was in my blindspot. Even though I logically & intellectually know, that by not doing these things I am saying “no” to them, for better or worse, it didn’t feel as ridiculous when I was viewing them through my old lens of “just not prioritizing them.”

Proving, yet again, it’s all about our lens & the question we ask.

I have shifted. I’m not perfect but I’m in progress. And I started by asking myself, what would my day be like if I actually said “yes” more? What does my real “yes” look like? How could I show up as a “yes”?

I’m curious, is there anything here for you? If you listed out where you don’t say “no” or “yes,” what would you see? Is that what you want?

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